Most Difficult Decision So Far

For about the past four to six months I have been struggling with a very difficult decision: keep my kids with "Nana" during the day or move them to a daycare.

I have had to think about this for several reasons - money, social interaction for Kross, pre-school for Kross, and a little conflict with Nana (but I won't go there). I knew that Kross was getting to the age that he could start pre-school. However, individual pre-schools have weird hours and neither of us are available to drop off and pick up at those times, and we couldn't afford pre-school on top of what we pay Nana. The next option was to find a good daycare that has a curriculum. My best friend recommended one to me.

My brain knows exactly what I should do.

My heart is having a really difficult time with this decision.

Nana is the only person that Kross remembers taking care of him. He's very attached to her - he often requests to go to her house on the weekends. She treats him more like a grandchild than just a child that she cares for during the day. She takes him to McDonald's for breakfast or lunch and they go to Walmart and she buys him toys...alot. I know they spend alot of time playing and singing too because Kross comes home singing the songs they sing and he tells me what games they played. He pretty much eats when he wants to and does what he wants to all day at her house...just like you would at your grandparent's house. It makes me sad that I have to make this decision and I feel like I'm taking Kross away from his grandmother. She hugs and kisses him goodbye every day.

SO...my worries about daycare include but are not limited to:

• GERMS!!!! AAAAHHHHH! When are they gonna get sick?? Obviously I know it's gonna happen often at first.
• Will Kross like it? He does say that he wants to go to school, but how much of a shock is this going to be for him??
• Will he like the kids? Will the kids like him?
• Will he eat the food they serve? He can't lose any weight at all since he's already really small.
• Will Kross adjust well? Will Krew adjust well?
• Will Krew get the attention that a baby needs??
• Do they give them naptime?? Kross needs this to function properly. I'm sure they let the babies sleep, so I'm not worried much about his naps.

My worries are pretty much endless and are consuming me and I haven't even made a decision yet. My next step is to go visit this daycare. I called them and they were really nice over the phone.

I'm also really worried about how I am going to tell Nana that my kids won't be staying with her any more. What if she cries?? What if she gets mad?? What if I cry?? What am I going to do when Kross asks afterwards why he doesn't get to see Nana anymore?? I'll fall into a million pieces if my son is upset because he doesn't see her any more. The last thing I want is for him to be sad.

See...this is what is going on in my head right now. Just another decision that I get to make as a mom...and I hope that I make the right decision.